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matt has written 148 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Zombieland: Double Tap

    Zombieland: Double Tap


    Not even the people that made this seemed to want to do it. A monumental shrug.

  • Twisted



    There's an interesting movie in here about a woman surrounded by misogynists in a sexist profession who's condemned for her desires but it's not the one that got made. Discussed on Episode 25 of The Suspense is Killing Us.

  • Hitch Hike to Hell

    Hitch Hike to Hell


    An 80-minute educational short less about hitchhiking than the dangers of bad parenting. Extremely light dose of sleaze. Mostly dull but here are a few highlights:

    1) I seriously doubt there was any actual product placement involved but there is some very conspicuous display of A&W root beer, Carnation instant breakfast, and others.

    2) The Black cop's bedroom, yowza.

    3) The killer looks an awful lot like my late uncle Kevin.

    4) Russell Johnson was a regular Scarecrow customer before he passed away.

  • Vivarium



    Yet another gallingly self-satisfied artistic treatise on domesticity as a bleak, monotonous trap that robs you of agency and pleasure while you slowly dig your own grave, all for the briefest of emotional connections. I feel like stealing another 98 minutes of my life to tell me this might constitute an actual crime.

  • The Wave

    The Wave


    Stupidly announces its dipshit stoner dorm room twist almost immediately and then has the unmitigated gall to apply said twist to a narrative in which I was asked to give a shit about anything Justin Long does or says.

  • It Chapter Two

    It Chapter Two


    Great job turning this deeply idiosyncratic, sprawling story about collective trauma and history into Serious Beetlejuice.

  • Perfect Stranger
  • Du-beat-e-o



    Rightfully buried.

  • Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    Pokémon Detective Pikachu


    Never thought I'd say it but Ryan Reynolds talking actually makes this slightly bearable.

  • Late Night

    Late Night


    A stunningly tin-eared 90-minute platitude about a wildly successful professional who we're meant to believe doesn't understand her own identity as a performer, and the idea that buffering that identity with "diversity hires" (the film's own term, not mine) will reveal its truth. Also if I didn't know better I'd assume that nobody involved in this has ever worked in television or maybe even been on a set.

  • Long Shot

    Long Shot


    For all the staggeringly lazy performative wokeness on display here it's worth noting that Rogen's character is still the dynamic one who ultimately gets the opportunity to accept or decline this relationship. I mean it's also incredibly dull and unfunny and nonsensical, but yeah mostly hypocritical.

  • Rules of Engagement

    Rules of Engagement


    Jackson's character is absolutely correctly tried for what's tantamount to war crime while the film argues that since his country put a gun in his hand nobody should be held responsible for who he chooses to shoot. Classic pre-9/11 jingoism and xenophobia paired with quintessentially clueless Friedkin provocation for its own sake that actually sneers at any pretense of moral ambiguity, because it's for weaklings. The final salute that ends this movie is just gross.