RSS feed for John Frankensteiner

Favorite films

Recent activity

All

Recent reviews

More
  • Honey Boy

    Honey Boy

    ★★★

    Let the record show, Lucas Hedges got outacted by a 13-year-old.

    The problem with Shia LaBeouf's life (in the cinematic sense) is that every beat is such a cliché. The specifics, of course, are different. Most people don't grow up with clown fathers with a flair for training daredevil chickens en route to starring in Michael Bay movies, but the dysfunctional child actor with a stage parent>early success>young adult burn out>self reflection>road to redemption is typical of these types of…

  • Color Out of Space

    Color Out of Space

    ★★★

    Granted, it's only January of 2020, but Nicolas Cage breaking out his Vampire's Kiss voice in a new Richard Stanley movie is the cinematic crossover event of the decade. I will still believe this in 2030.

    Frustratingly uneven; the visuals and sound design are superb. Everything else is decidedly less than superb. It reminds me a bit of when John Carpenter lost his fastball, the B-Movie aspects in between the wonderfully crafted events of the movie become more pronounced, and…

Popular reviews

More
  • Chairman of the Board

    Chairman of the Board

    ½

    CONAN O'BRIEN: You are making a movie with Carrot Top, right?

    COURTNEY THORNE-SMITH: I made a movie with a Carrot Top.

    NORM MACDONALD: Wait a minute, she left Melrose Place to make a movie with Carrot Top?

    CONAN O'BRIEN: That's where I'm going with this, my friend. What's the movie going to be called?

    NORM MACDONALD: I know what's it's going to be called.

    CONAN O'BRIEN: Yeah? What's that, Norm?

    NORM MACDONALD: If Carrot Top's in it, BOX OFFICE POISON.

  • The Dead Don't Die

    The Dead Don't Die

    When Arnold Palmer was approximately 200-years-old he golfed The Masters one last time and predictably did awful, which was fine because doing well wasn't the point. Palmer was just going out there having a good time with some old friends, a victory lap because he could. The Masters showed class (for the first time ever?) by keeping his score off the board as to not embarrass the fucking man, the goddamned icon. Jim Jarmusch, welcome to The Masters, you goddamned icon. Hope you had a good time with some old friends. Your score is off the board.